Twas the Night before Highlands Elections (Guest Blogger)

I love guest bloggers, I just have to cut and paste.. 🙂

‘Twas the night before Christmas….oops, wrong season. ‘Twas the night before Highlands’ mayoral elections and all residents sat down, pen (or iPhone) in hand, poised to start writing a litany of all the reasons why their candidate didn’t win. Was it because a non-party candidate came out of the woodwork to run as a write-in, “stealing” all those votes that were meant for so-and-so? Was it because those evil Highlands United rabble rousers spoiled everything by insisting on getting answers to difficult questions and demanding accountability and transparency? Or maybe it was because the Moon was in Capricorn and Saturn was in retrograde?

Bzzzz. Time’s up. None of these answers are correct ladies and gentlemen! The simple truth is that the candidate in question did not inspire me, or you, or all those schmoes who went out there to exercise their God-given right to vote! I wasn’t wowed with their leadership. They didn’t make me believe that they were going to represent my best interest. They didn’t have me at hello! Or even at goodbye!

Take Becky, for example. The “approachable” one. If she doesn’t win tomorrow, it’s not because Doug spoiled it for her and took away her well-deserved votes. It’s because, despite her 10-year-long stint in Highlands government, I am still at a loss of what exactly has she done (The fire truck? Yes, we’ve heard about the fire truck). Listen to her interview. No real record, no hard numbers, and very touchy feely. Like when she cried publically after Sandy! When we needed someone with a spine and a backbone, she lost it! She is nice, you say. Approachable. Well, that’s nice. But I don’t want nice! I want a Leader! With a capital L.

Now Frank… If Frankie baby doesn’t win, again, you can’t blame Doug. Or Becky. Or the high rise…. Okay, it IS the high rise! And the fact that he sat there lying till he was blue in the face saying he knew nothing about a deal (really, absolutely NOTHING!) while the property owner told us in the back of the room that it was a done deal, including the developer’s name and purchase price. You can only get away with such blatant lies at the Federal level! Incidentally, for all those who do vote for him, rest assured he will continue to peddle the high rise lie.

And finally Doug. Doug Card. With a C. The newcomer to the political scene. The one that had to go through the painful experience that most of us have or are or will be going through dealing with FEMA and insurance and contractors and rebuilding (and did someone mention code enforcement?).  If he doesn’t win, it’s probably because he forgot to knock on that one door. Missed talking to that one crucial vote. Didn’t have the right color shirt. Didn’t have the right friends. Or, perhaps, it was just because the Moon was in Capricorn and Saturn was in retrograde.

Whether you’ll be drinking yourself silly celebrating with your new BFF Mayor tomorrow or drinking yourself silly (Did I hear “solution center?” DRINK!) vowing you’ll pack your bags and leave this town once and for all (not that you can since no one will be in the right mind to buy a house they’ll have to raise or buy a house they’ll need a ladder to get to), please make sure to go out there and vote tomorrow. And most importantly, vote YES on the Non-Partisan question so that next time, we’ll have a better, longer list of candidates to bitch about!  


  1. Boo-yah! I’m expecting a high turnout. I was #122 this morning in my district. Never been that high, usually in the teens…


    • Some of the usual people that work the polls seemed a bit more serious this morning compared to past elections. This day can’t go fast enough!!!


  2. Especially with an article like this I would expect Broadway Bill to be all over this. Did that guy Move away, get sick Die?!


  3. Twas the night OF election, and all through the town, voters went to the polls wearing all kinds of frowns!

    They had received all the ads, and literature too, with ballots in hand they knew just what to do!

    Becky and Frank were all snug in their beds, while visions of victory danced in their heads!

    They had said many things, falsehoods and assertions, hoping the people would not soon desert them.

    But the town was in trouble, the people could see, and then Doug Card ran, and said, “Hey! Vote for me!”

    Post Sandy the town as deathly and glum, and just one look proved, “stick a fork in were done”!

    The Sins of the past had come home to roost, and answer was obvious, give all officials the boot!!!

    Everbody well knew,…………… well those that didnt live in a bubble, in a quick year or two our taxes will double!!!!

    When one resident arose to hear such a clatter, ran out of his house to see what was the matter. his eyes opened wide, with such sadness and wonder, his home was destroyed!!!……….the house lifters had blundered!

    But then came the town theyll save the day!!!………. to eveyones shock his house was carted away!

    and in the end………. one thing left to do, get out of this town, or fight for me……..and for you!!!………..

    And I heard Doug Card say as he drove out of sight………. I might not win, but what a hell of a fight!

    Happy Election Day! ugh!


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